Happiness… an elusive noun… which has no meaning of its own. Its interpretation depends on an individual’s state of mind. It can be cheap and achieved by getting free fries with the order of choice or can be expensive and be dependent on the perception of others on the beauty of diamond earrings which were worth 2 lakhs. Happiness is transient, it can disappear in a blink of an eye.
Its pursuit is a never-ending quagmire which ends up suffocating the person desirous of achieving it. Quoting Marcellus Emants 1 – a Dutch novelist: “Only a fool can be happy. For happiness consists of two contradictory elements: contentment and pleasure. Enjoy pleasure and you have no contentment; be content and you have no pleasure. For this reason happiness is conceivable only for those who enjoy themselves without thinking that they will always want more and thus be discontented, or for those who are content without thinking that they have no pleasure. Whoever reflects can never be happy, unless he is a fanatic and thus blinded…thus exercising control over his intelligence with his feelings, instead of the other way round”.
Seems true, isn’t it. All of us strive for happiness without realizing what is it that makes us happy.
“A salary hike!!! wow, I am so happy”….. my colleague got 0.5% more…… the happiness is over. It gets replaced by dejection. “I bought a new dress, see how pretty I look, yay yay yay”… an acquaintance not even a friend or a relative but a relatively unknown person casually remarked, “Hey this dress makes you look fat, did you gain weight, how about trying a different style so you look taller and slimmer”, familiar situation…huh! Where is the happiness quotient now… it’s all is replaced by depression, dejection, and self-pity. Ok, let me share another example…. “I want to have a pizza, let me go to a restaurant”…. every person in the restaurant including the waiters look at you questioningly and a waiter wouldn’t even come to take your order. When you insist on placing one… the looks from all and sundry turn from curiosity to pity or even cynicism and you become a topic of their dinner table/kitchen counter discussion… with arguments on “Why is this girl eating alone?”…. bang goes happiness of having a pizza and enjoying myself. Rather, you want to finish your meal and then just leave as soon as possible……
So, happiness is a transient emotion, has no basis, is frivolous, and can disappear in a second. Then why do all of us live our life seeking happiness? If we sit and seriously think about what makes us happy…. It would not be more than 3-4 things….. money, a promotion, a job, a dress, a pizza, a pair of shoes are all transient and give happiness for a point in time. A promotion will give you a high, but in a week it will be business as usual…. Additional responsibilities may even start irking you… or a lesser salary would bug you …..the euphoria of being promoted is long gone… the remorse of more responsibility at lesser pay is now breeding dissatisfaction. So were sleepless nights, overthinking on getting promoted, being irritable and frustrated for this elusive promotion…. really worth it? Was this the happiness you were running after?
In my experience “comparison” is the biggest culprit in dissipating the feeling of happiness. Oh, he is handsome and has a nice job…I would be very happy to live a life like him…..he on the other hand may be having sleepless nights worrying about office politics or his job stability… happiness may be the last thing on his mind… so who is happy… this seemingly perfect person or this wannabe who is craving happiness thinking that he would be happy only if he has a life like this seemingly perfect person.
Ok, so where is this “happiness”??? … it is just a fallacy that bewitches humans and remains perpetually unattainable.
Coming home to a family, getting a glass of water from your mother/sister/husband, a card made by your nephew, a favourite dish prepared for dinner… will give more satisfaction and make you feel happy for a much longer time than any materialistic sporadic feeling of euphoria achieved via a transient trigger.
I am no spiritual guru, neither am I a preacher nor do I have depressive thoughts 😊.
I am a regular resilient human being plowing through the quagmire of life searching for the elusive happiness…….has anyone of you cracked the code yet??? and are really really happy???? 😊
1 https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/330787-only-a-fool-can-be-happy-for-happiness-consists-of
Pic courtesy: www.freepik.com
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