Your life is an outcome of your decisions

You are responsible for the life you have. Harsh statement!! but it’s the truth. I would not be sugarcoating this article so if I am hurting anyone’s sensibilities apologies in advance.

As an individual, your current situation is an outcome of decisions that you took in your past. You may rationalise that you were forced by circumstances to take those decisions and you did not have an option. But the truth is that you were afraid on what-ifs and decided on a specific course of action. You decided, no one did it for you. What if you took a different decision, what if you did not toe the line that your parents were advocating, what if you thought something may happen to the people you love if you don’t listen to them and force your way through…. whatever may be the reason, you took a decision which decided the course of your life, however, if you would like to blame someone, that would be a farce because in the end whatever may be your reason, it was your choice and not anyone else’s so rather than blaming a parent, a spouse or a child..learn to live with it and make the best of whatever you have at present, rather maximise it since that is all you can do. Past choices are set in stone and cannot be changed so why cry over spilt milk…it’s gone..kaput..over…

Let’s focus on some common concerns across the spectrum.

Scenario 1: Unmarried and middle 40s with nothing to look forward to…Great…why didn’t you decide at the right age to get married?… OK there were family issues..health issues..financial issues…sibling issues…whatever…but the time has gone, why lament? Can the time be brought back, can the circumstances be reversed…nope..thinking about it is foolhardiness so stop self-pity..stop overthinking… take control of what is left of your life. Travel, see places, watch movies, buy clothes…..do stuff that makes you happy. You are entitled to happiness too. Marriage, spouse well there is a time for everything, it can still happen, and it is not too late. If it happens great and if it does not, there is more to life. Stop being hung up on what you don’t have and focus on what you do have or want to have. Your energies should go into just being happy even if it means being a foodie and hogging delicious delicacies from around the world.

What’s happened has happened,  it can not be reversed, what you have is what you need to make the most of. Stop thinking about what could have happened…it’s just in your mind…maybe life could have been worse. So guys and gals, stop concocting fantasies of a better life that could have been rather focus on making the current situation better.

Forget the past and focus on your present. You can’t change the past anyways and lamenting on it will only depress you. Your future on the other hand is an unfathomable fantasy so stop thinking about it…and just focus on making each day of your life happy as that’s what is under your influence.

Scenario 2: Without a job and family responsibilities becoming a burden….familiar situation with a lot of laid off people today.  I see LinkedIn posts saying, don’t have funds..families to support..education to provide…..no job for 1.5 years..help!!!

It gets me thinking, someone working for 20 years could not survive without a salary for 1.5 years??? Why???

I may get hate comments on it but how come one doesn’t have any savings, how come you can’t survive for even a year and a half…why?

When you guys have a regular income, do you spend it all???? Is it even possible? All Indians are genetically wired to save money so how come one is hand to mouth is just 1.5 years.  Also, if that is the case what will you do post 60????? There is no pension, no job..how do you plan to live?

With all due respect to such posts on LinkedIn, corporate guys with 20+ years of work experience under their belt cannot and should not be in a situation where one has no money to eat…

Yes, not getting a job can be a concern, agreed but highlight that and not the penury of not having food on the table… with all due respect that’s a misrepresentation of facts and playing on people’s sentiments which is despicable.

For people with much lower salary and contractual jobs, this situation could be there and they are entitled for help but for mid to senior corporate honchos….I can’t take it even with a gunny bag of salt..a pinch of it being too insignificant.

What if you don’t get a job, then? Can’t you start tuitions at home to tide over financial difficulties? Can’t you look at opening a grocery store, looking at a franchise outlet, opening a fast food corner or something with low investment but a means to live….why hung up on a job??? Just think about it.

 

Scenario 3: Crappy job, bad environment and bitchy colleagues….well did you marry the company????  If you did..wish you a happy married life and if you didn’t…what stops you from going out and searching for a better option. Stop being a crybaby. Life is never fair and who promised you that it will be? So why are you expecting it in the first place?

You have a job, you get a salary every month..Great….. thank your stars. If you have bitchy colleagues are you a mother Teresa or some yogi??? Are you that saintly, if yes, you don’t deserve your current role and if not..either ignore them or give them a taste of their own medicine. Stop being a cry baby and a martyr, it sucks and is a major turn off. Learn to fight your own battles. You may win or lose but fight nevertheless. It’s your life, you have to live it, why wait for your knight in shining armour or a wonder women to save you?????

 

Scenario 4: Lastly, kids don’t care, they have their own life….. accept this fact. Not all kids look after their parents, rather there is an existing trend of Indian kids also living separately from their parents post their marriage. I have seen so-called dutiful sons being henpecked and misbehaving with parents, leeching on their money and being incorrigible in general and somehow considering it their privilege. Why do you want to tolerate this nonsense?  My two cents here are, be prepared to live alone. It will be much more peaceful. Save for yourself,  live for yourself, and don’t save to give your wealth to your kids when you die…..you already educated them and got them married…you have done your duty…they don’t deserve anything else.

Your bequeath will buy them a car, a house or gold for their wives….you won’t be remembered, you will be forgotten…no one cares… so, rather than saving for your adult children, live your sunset years enjoying the fruits of your labour, use your money to buy yourself comforts, visit friends and family, dine out,  go for trips with people your age, keep help for household chores, eat what you like and just focus on enjoying your life. You deserve it. You are entitled to be happy…you as an individual should be happy…if your children need you they will come to you, if they don’t, it’s their loss, forget it and focus on making your sunset years joyful, it is your life and therefore your responsibility on what you make of it…….

P.S.: If I hurt anyone’s sentiments, I am not apologising, so go easy on hate in DM’s…  😛

 

Pic courtesy: www.freepik.com